learning out loud

Sometimes I wish I didn’t learn quite so out loud, with tear streaked face and an obvious ache. But when it comes down to it I am also glad that It still messes me, that im not always in control. I don’t want to be able to answer everything I don’t want to be able to box all my experiences without a bit of trouble. It feels more realistic to me to not have the answers. On the odd occasion I grin at the floundering.