old

magazines sell us repulsive plastic images of what we could be, something to strive for. how much psychology do they use in convincing us that we aren't good enough i wonder? playing to our insecurities, there are so many things in this perverse system that mean so little in such a huge way, so broken and convincing and overpowering.
i don't understand how i live, what my part is in this mess, i wish to retire, to let go of all the ropes i hold and freefall nude, colourful, & uninhibited, a spectacle for all the groundwellers, a firework, a provocative picture of what could be.
FEAR keeps us in line, fear of what we could be, fear of what were not, fear of where we could be going and the control that we don't have, it is so stifling, crushing. everything back in it's box. i am so controlled, practically a robot. iwant to be colourful and free and not afraid.

lets

lets wear gumboots filled with water, and sit in puddles,
lets stand in the rain at night shaking and watching car lights speed by with rain filling our faces,
lets sit in cold parks at night & eat ice-cream & talk about life,
lets write poetry on the walls and dress like sunflowers,
lets watch the last of the sunset and pretend were not getting cold,
lets do things on a whim,
lets catch a train in circles,
lets hypothesise,
lets think too much and get nervous and laugh, lets share music & films & books & poetry,
lets stay up and fall asleep at school,
lets be idealistic,
lets hope,
lets listen to the bush at night,
lets smile at everyone,
lets dance!

i smell... and i look like an echidna

i am learning to play the guitar, its super-fun. my little bro got a double bass for his birthday, my dad is a guitar teacher and our house is always full of various instruments and noises. My dad and bro are both great at music and very lovely to me, they teach me things and let me play with their instruments and record stuff. i miss them heaps. i am learning a kimya dawson song, she is great, i saw her this year and yea, she's wonderful.

a day i had a while back

Today.

Kayaking, muscles exerting their presence, pitting pride against the elements

And humanity against corporate greed

Sun. Sea. Exercise. Feeling human again.

Police.

Orders.

Confusion. (coal ship approaching.)

amongst police and protesters,

No way out. (internal panic.)

Horn blasts, chants raise, palms resound on plastic, orders fly, propellers& motors scream

Fear (looking to get out)

Blocked by boat, change of orders, muscles jar, stomach twists,

Confusion.

Communication. Connection.

Safety.

Relief.

Now.

Overdosed on radiohead and sent myself into another world,

Pure sound and choreography,

The noise speeds along its intricate pathway, perfectly etched into my mind.

My muscles flexed and extended catching in with the game,

body lets go and the music carries it,

twisting and turning, jump, kick,

I close my eyes, and float away.

This is all there is.

Earlier.

I read your email

As I replied, my eyes, still salty from the sea

Blinked and wet my face with sheets of tears.

I sobbed for an hour writing back.

I tried to give it my honesty.

My perception

My perceived lack of structure in the world

My fear

Will I send it?...

nope.

Soon.

Sunburnt exhausted body curled unconscious on the bed.

Mind far away.

Twitch of hand.

Small noise of sleep.

Oblivion.