that mushy love stuff

i just wanted to mention that i love a whole bunch of people. alot. so much i get all full of it and sometimes i just grin and hug myself, or any innocent bystander to my internal wonder at the loveliness of some of these flesh breath beings. i am hugely lucky in this. i think its the thing that stops me from being alot worse off. mmm so much, heres to spreading the mush, like fertiliser....

for the writing respository...

as kids we were bound by an understanding & allegience to the same radio station
picked pockets of respect thrown like paintbombs,
we played in the colours,
& hoped for the best, & dealt with the worst,
a rubber band of versatile warriors, all fighting little battles in our heads, and smiling at each other, and holding hands, and telling everyone we were ok, to convince ourselves it's true.
& when the tears like beached whales slipped out and traversed their facial landscape tradjectory we hugged out the air and whispered about the secrets that would make everything better.

list to not forget

i want to make a list of things i want to do...
honestycommunication zine
zine about violence
(write about safesharkthing)
learn about non-violent communication
push-ups
get stronger
get fitter
draw, paint
swim
run
learn french
learn an indigenous 'australian' language
learn to play guitar and sing better ( learn to play ciel en sauce -dionysos and kimya stuff + bob dylan& ole catty stevens)
make stuff for my friendels
make patches and clothes
talk/think /read about alternative health care systems
talk/think /read about different ways our communities can function
learn about how things change
change things
listen to more music
make more music
get to know my body better..
finish my degree and get good at nursing
learn to cook better
learn to garden
learn some skills like hooking up solar panels and fixing my bike.
challenge my ego more
watch myself and get better at being honest with myself about myself.
find ways to contribute to the worldy thingo
experiment with communication and friendship
spend time with people but don't be stale
challenge myself some
write more
learn some gymnastics
learn to meditate
read more poetry
read novels, read peoples idea's about the world.
stop convincing myself i can't do things! and that i shouldn't try!!
jump more
sleep outside more
learn to have conversations slowly, including silences, and with time to think... less pressured
learn to give
experiment with awareness
learn to loose self a bit... loose acute awareness of surrounds
learn to meditate
cook for people i love.
hang out with kids, animals, and people
find out how people deal with anger
find ways of encouraging people to take care of themselves that are subtle and not token or superficial
watch the films people have told me to watch for long time
get articulate like
Dance dAnce daNce danCe dancE!

Yea!

we will hug until

when my friends are sad...

sometimes i don't know 'how to be' around my friends when they are so sad. I feel like a lost ship in a dark night trying desperately not to crash into rocks i can't see. I have been happy for ages now, and i can remember things like how fragile a mind is, and how the slightest little thing can signify all this strange symbolism and stuff, or at least it did for me. When i think about the people who supported me, i don't know how they did it, being so patient and caring, always there when i needed to bitch n whinge n cry. I feel like sometimes i don't know how to be there for other people, especially when they can't tell me, sometimes i feel like i miss out all these things i should be doing, and like its really not as hard as i think. i know that its just about caring and loving someone... but somehow i still have trouble finding the words to say, thinking of things to do, knowing when to just listen and when to say that maybe you need some help. Minds are such impenetrable and powerful things. When i was younger i thought i was good at being around people who were quite sad or disliked themselves, and i wanted to become a nurse or a psych so i could get the skills to do it all the time, now i'v changed and i don't think a degree can give you people skills, and i don't feel like i'm any better at being there for my friends when they are really down, and when they don't seem to be coming back up. I am studying mental health nursing, it gives me labels for certain types of illnesses, (although these are sometimes just constructs, behavior considered unacceptable by society) and it gives an insight into a system that to me seems an awfully bizarre way to try and help someone who is fragile or unwell, a system we inherited from the days before people experiencing mental illness had rights, that has been gradually modified as we progress. Surely such a system is never going to be adequate, not until it is looked at properly and reformed based on evidence and caring...
I have been looking at some radical mental health sites such as the icarus project and am wanting to look more into such things, there are lots of great zines that i want to look at and conversations that i want to have about how to care for our friends. Here are some of the links;
http://www.radpsynet.org/
http://www.successfulschizophrenia.org/
http://theicarusproject.net/
http://sydneyicarus.wordpress.com/
http://www.rockdovecollective.org/
http://www.freedom-center.org/
yea, i don't know what this post is trying to achieve, its just something i'v been thinking about. All my love...

Cooper Pedy Roo